Today was so much better then yesterday. I don't know if work makes things easier for me or if just in fact things were better today. I think it might be the work thing. My day started with my dad coming over to spend a little time with me. It was nice because it was his birthday and I got to spend time with him. Normally I would get the day off and do something special but instead I've got so much on my plate that I had to work because I already had my two days off. But either way it was awesome to have him over. The nice thing about my dad is I can have a competlety horrible day the day before and then the next he reminds me that it's a new day and to let go of yesterday. It's not always easy for me to let go of things. I harbor a lot of guilt for some reason. Everything makes me feel guilty. Getting sideways with my sister made me so upset. The last thing I want do is be in a bad place with anyone right now. Yesterday was just so horrible for me and I'm trying to focus on the days to come. The very scary days to come but I can do this. I know I can.
Work was great. I had such a good time today. We weren't crazy busy but I was busy enough to keep my mind off of my awful yesterday. I truly appercitate everyone at work right now. They have all been so kind and understanding. I will miss all of them while I'm out. My bosses have been even better than I expected to me. I just wish there was more I could do for them. Don't get me wrong I know I have my moments where I'm difficult to deal with and they have really been great with that. I'm ready for work to be over for me. As much as I love everyone there and they have all been so great I am ready to be with my friends and family a little more. Who knows how long it will take me to get back to me so I just want to cherish these moments I have right now with my loved ones. There just isn't enough time for me to spend with everyone. I only have 4 more shifts so I will make the best out of it.
I feel so sad for you today I wish both of us did not have work commitments and I could just pop myself to Florida and back to ny even for 30 minutes. I just want to see my friend. I'm writing this while I'm on the train late to work because the plumbers are at my apartment today. I have a tear in my eye as I feel so badly for you and how hard it was for you when you where here. But neither one of us knew what was wrong. Now we do!!! I can't wait for this to be over for you. You are in my thoughts daily. Esp while I'm on the dreaded subways. But last night I has a great dream and we where in the Bahamas ;-) maybe that's are next vacation.
ReplyDeleteXoxo,
Liza
Dana,
ReplyDeleteWe all have good days and bad days and some how the bad days are forgotten. I personally think it is ok if you had a melt down over the closet space. I have seen your closets and I know that you may have gotten rid of a bunch of stuff but the closet was probably only big enough to hold your purses and shoes. I mean seriously where were your clothes going to go??? I do think you probably should have taken out the box of Norman Love chocolates and sat down and had a moment though. And then when you finished that box you could have asked your Dad or Shasta for a new one because of your inconvenience and frustration.
When it comes to the guilt issue that is something that all individuals who are pleasers/givers constantly struggle with internally. It is merely anger directed at yourself for not doing what you think that you should have done. It is ok and time to put yourself first. You have to say and do what you feel is best for you.
I am looking forward to our dinner. Hang in there, I love you.
Aunt Heather
I'm glad you felt better the next day. If you were in Seattle on Wed. you would have been very happy because it was the first time we have seen that object in the sky they call the sun in probably 3 wks. So, when that happens everyone is in such a good mood and lots of smiles. Don't be so hard on yourself, your family and friends know you and know you are not feeling quite yourself right now. "Keep your chin up and shoulders back, it will get better." Ron and Don 97.3FM in Seattle. You are on the prayer list of several of my friends and who knows how far in the world. Just know you are loved.
ReplyDeleteI have diagnosed with breast cancer, but lucky for me it is very early, a lumpectomy and 6wks radiation. Ladies, sisters, Moms, aunts, cousins and girlfriends spread the word, breast cancer can be beaten. Self-exam and regular screening are very important.
Dana you are in my thoughts and prayers, I am only thinking the best for you.