Well today was the day that I have been waiting for. I got my dates for my new life. It's amazing how one phone call change everything. My new life will start on February 6th at 7:30 a.m. The phone call wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
I shake now. It's funny how that happens, it's more like a tremble in my body that I can't control but it stops when it's ready. So the phone call made me shake. I spoke to a wonderful women who had all my appointments set up for me already. I haven't even had my surgery and I can feel my Independence slipping away from me. I don't get to pick and choose what works best for me or what I want anymore, I am told. I fully understand that everything everyone is doing is what's best for me but it doesn't make it easy for me to let them do it. So I am told that I have another appointment with another doctor on Tuesday. So I will be traveling to Tampa for that. I am told that I have another MRI on the 2nd in Tampa and then I am told the date that is going to change my life. February 6th. I don't know what will happen to me after that. I don't know if I will be the same person. People say things like this change you. Well I want to know how. How will I be changed? I am a confident, caring, independent women. I don't want to change those things about myself. I don't want to be weak. Never mind the deformities I will have I am now more concerned with my soul. Who I am. What I stand for. I'm so afraid to lose that. People care about what I have to say because of my outlook on life. I can't help but wonder if that is going to change. I will be determined to be not let this change me. I will still be me when this is over. I will just have to learn to let people take care of me for a little bit.
Dates to Remember:
Jan 17th- Dr. Appointment
Jan 21st- POTLUCK!!!!! Everyone is invited. At my dad's house. Starting at 6-whenever.
Jan 23rd- Sister giving Birth
Jan 29th- Last day of work
Feb 2nd- MRI+pre op
Feb 5th- Travel to Tampa and stay over night
Feb 6th- Surgery Day 7:30